Tuesday, October 27, 2009

You know you need a break when...

... you say "Chaiwan and Taina" when you really mean "Taiwan and China."

... you ask your Singapore colleague how come you don't see his luggage bag the day AFTER he arrives to KL.

... you want to fling your mobile everytime it rings bearing *another* incessant call from the client.

... you thought you saw a strand of white hair on the top of your head....

Oh boy.

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Friday, September 25, 2009

Chance

If I don't fight for my happiness, no one will.

If I don't yearn for my own betterment, no one will.

If I never take pride in my possessions, no one will.

If I don't learn to take care of myself, no one will.

If I don't keep my head up amidst the throng, no one will.

If I don't stick to my guns, my principles, no one will.

If I never give myself the chance -

To give it the first try
To make my own mistakes
To lose it all
To bleed
To bind my wounds
To express what I feel to be right and true
To test the sincerity of my being
To examine the rationale of my thoughts
To explore every thought that racks my brain
To scrutinize all that I do and want to believe
To listen to my own voice
To find the meaning behind the beating of my heart -

No one will.

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Tuesday, September 22, 2009

All my days

"You have ordained all my days, Lord. You know each moment before it comes to pass."

It was simple faith that I needed in the past few weeks. His promise that I relied on to get me through when I had done all that I could do. We survived, but not without a few bruises, not without a large dose of hurt, not without a real need to learn how to "love my enemies" on my part. By His grace alone we survived.

But it's not only in the daily grind, Lord, is it, where Your words ring true? Your promise is for all our days.

It takes much for a go-getter to sit back and let Him take control.
It takes a conscious will to stop being stubborn, and instead be still.

Then the other extreme sometimes convinces you that no one cares after all.
Striking in the deepest darkness; often no more than a small thought.
That gradually builds up to form a seemingly-unshakeable belief.

Leaning too much on either scale is destructive.

I can't find the middle ground sometimes.

But on days like this, when I realize that I'm nothing more than a speck of dust, yet lovingly created, cared for and rescued by my Heavenly Father, it slowly dawns on me that I need not worry about how my life turns out; but can trust Him with all my heart.

For all my worries - Will I get me own place soon? Replace my old possessions? Will I end up needy eventually? Reduced to the typical stereotype? Will I ever learn to be more emotionally-balanced? Plain dull? Will I be happy? Fulfilled? - this is my answer:

"You have ordained all my days, Lord. You know each moment before it comes to pass. Help me be still, and know You are God."

Amen.

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Saturday, August 29, 2009

Thoughts on Malaysia's 52nd Birthday

"1Malaysia".

Great tagline, that. Straight to the point. Catchy. Even without the (obligatory) songs and advertisements and other what-have-yous that the PR campaign has successfully churned out. (On a side note, I seemed to have missed Petronas' advertisement this year. I strained to look for it on tv and in the papers - even their website! - but came up empty. What's the story?)

Anyway back to 1Malaysia.

Oh, great concept too. All peoples moving as one in our single-mindedness towards building this nation. Semuanya bertekad terhadap satu objektif: Memajukan negara dengan memajukan setiap insan yang berwarganegara Malaysia - tak kira bangsa, agama, dan sebagainya.

That's my take on 1Malaysia.

That's just the problem.

I'd have no problems grasping it if I actually saw it being implemented. We can't move on towards realizing 1Malaysia if political parties continually harp on racial differences and highlight them as faults. The recent by-elections in Permatang Pasir was openly described as one where racial cards were dealt. Have we not learnt?

We can't progress if we insist on "maintaining our standards by our own yardstick" by lowering the standards or flip-flopping on education policies as and when it suits our statistics and short-term agendas. Singaporean papers (and I bet other countries too) attributed the flip-flop stance to one of our Government's usual practices. Have we not learnt?

We can't progress if time and time again, it's NOT the best, most capable, and most reliable providers that are selected to undertake national projects. Okay, not all providers are sucky - MYEG has got a great service going on and I hope they expand their scope - but honestly, the success stories are few, far, and in between many, MANY failures. (Don't give me the "5% entrepreneurs make it" line - you know very well what I'm trying to get at. )

We just can't progress if we do not learn that excellence is achieved through sheer hard work, the act of constantly proving ourselves, and the art of appreciating and building each other up on the pretext of mutual benefit and advancement for a common, greater good.

Anything less, and we sell ourselves short on what we are capable of achieving.

I'll admit - I scoffed when I read that the PM called on us to "repair bridges"- excuse me, we didn't build them. The policies did. I'll say too, that it probably wasn't his fault in entirety. The whole system has been there all along, enhanced and modified to perfection... and it's hard to pass on a well-oiled machine so entrenched in its functions.

It's hard not to be jaded and think that it's never gonna change.

What would Yasmin Ahmad have conjured?

Tragically, would it have remained just that - a mere concept, beautiful and admired, but never quite allowed to be fully implemented and realized?

That's not the 1Malaysia I seek, long and pray for. God, we need You more than ever.

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Tuesday, August 25, 2009

"You're the maddest person in this room"

The room suddenly fell silent.
My heart went still.
Surely I misheard him?
Someone mumbled, "Huh?"

Quite deliberately, yet in a slightly-offhandish way, he said:

"I think you're the maddest person in this group. The most art-bent. The world needs eccentrics every now and then."

"What gave me away?" I asked, unsure how best to respond.

He shrugged. "I don't know. A twitch, perhaps."

-- Look, had that comment come from a totally-ordinary person on the street, I'd have immediately noticed the slight sneer in that tone, or the wrinkled-nose of disgust that usually accompanies such a statement. Heck such labels are not new to me.

But to have elicited that comment from a total stranger who happened to be a brilliant musician - the multi-talented type who plays the five-string double bass, mandolin, piano, piano-accordion and guitar, the type who makes every instrument he picks up SING - ....

I actually felt liberated.

I felt a glow deep within me.

SO.

I'm a certifed mad, weird, and eccentric person.

I have a right to keel towards the arts and love the music I make and hear; to do whatever it takes to express that which I feel inside - be it laugh, dance, or cry.

I'm mad, and proud of it =)

p.s. - Lord, how would You use this mad person?
p.p.s. - Thank you Rod Gear :) You made my weekend. http://www.sonsofkorah.com/

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